Things that have annoyed me in the last week:

1. When you’re in bed and your hubby expects you to move faster when attending to the screaming toddler. I’m not f*#king Agile Angela. You wouldn’t expect a whale to move with the same grace as a dolphin, so don’t expect me to move like your average non-preggo woman.

2. When your mum brings round another very large plastic ‘toy’ which you have zero room for in your pokey house, so you tell her she will have to keep it at hers again. To which she then makes you feel guilty because the toddler will ‘miss out’. It’s a plastic trike; his feet can’t even reach the pedals, so it’s basically another thing for him to sit in which moves. It’s a pram. Or a car. Either way, I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna ‘miss out’.

3. When you’re out shopping and you stop off for lunch in Starbucks and the girls behind the counter think it’s more important to have a DMC instead of tidying up the shit tip that they expect you to sit in. Limp brown lettuce and crumb-ridden seats are not ideal lunch date fodder.

4. When you are locked out of your pregnancy yoga class in the dark and cold and you can’t even be a female on the streets past 7pm without a group of lads shouting names at you. And when they resort to calling you a slag because you have the audacity to not be called any of the names they are throwing your way, but you don’t fancy explaining anything to a group of 8 guys in tracksuits whose faces you can’t see.

5. When your usually (almost) perfect sleeper decides to have a rough week along with the rest of the mini human tribe (it seems) and you feel like a walking zombie because you thought this shit was sooo 12 months ago. Then you remember you’re pregnant and are gonna have to do it all again for real very soon. Oh the joy.

A.x